What’s the most scary moment of your life?

29 May

This year has been the toughest one so far.

I think faced with so many responsibilities, workload and stress overwhelmed me.

It felt like I was being sucked into the ocean with no air to breathe.

I’m the type of person who likes to avoid my problems, which is a really bad thing to do cause it keeps building and building and building…

Until it explodes.

I’ve had breakdowns but this one was the worst one.

It happened so fast I don’t even know what triggered it.

From my past breakdowns, I’m usually able to control myself after and get myself together.

But this one was different.

Everyone has breakdowns when they’re stressed but I felt like this was more than that.

The reason why I found it so scary is not only because I had no control over myself but because the feeling of hopelessness swept over me so fast.

My reasons to continue  on just vanished in one second. ( Not in a suicidal sense)

But I mean my dreams, goals, wishes, and visions just disappeared so fast as if i never had them.

I think that’s the most scary moment I’ve experienced.

The feeling of hopelessness swept over me so fast it took me few days to get myself together.

The worst thing that can happen to you is when you see no future. You lose sight of it. 

Obviously I got my shit together now but I hope that never happens again.

But I’m still scared deep inside because I don’t know what triggered it. 

So I don’t know if it’ll erupt again and I don’t know if I can control myself the second time. 

In that dark moment, I expected one person I relied on to be there but that person couldn’t.

But I’m over it, and that person. I’ve moved on and moved away from that person.

If that person can’t even be there at least once when I’ve always been there for them, what’s the point of the friendship?

 

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